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The View From Cloud Nine

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I am taking a class in sarcasm and this is how I study.

Medical Miracle Performed After Post Receives One Million Likes on Facebook

Five-year old Ethan Williams is finally enjoying life as a kid again.   In an incredible display of brotherhood, his community rallied to support Ethan and his family when the toddler suffered form an intense asthma attack.  ”The students were playing tag during recess, when he started gasping for air,” remembers Williams’s teacher, “all of the kids gathered around him and started screaming for help.”  Adds another teacher who was at the scene, “None of us knew what to do.”

The school nurse was called, and though she ran outside as quickly as possible, she soon realized that she had forgotten Ethan’s inhaler, and had to return to the school.  “I was out of breath from running all the way over to the playground, so I had to walk most of the way back to the clinic,” recalls the nurse, who has been working at Cedar Valley Elementary for twenty years.

Shortly, an ambulance arrived, carrying Ethan and his teacher to the local hospital.  “He was still suffering from extreme respiratory trauma,” reported the ambulance driver, “so his teacher held his hand the entire drive to comfort him.  It was very sweet.”

When Williams arrived at the hospital, doctors immediately got to work.  They entered his data into the computer and published his story to facebook within fifteen minutes of his check-in.  “We knew we had to work fast.  Situations like these are highly time-sensitive,” Ethan’s doctor insists.  “As soon as the post was live, there was nothing to do but wait.”

Mass texts and emails were delivered across Cedar Valley, urginig citizens to like and share the post.  The hashtag “helpethanbreathe” began trending on twitter, providing links to the page in many of the tweets.  John and Tracy Williams, Ethan’s parents, were glad they could help by liking the post.  They both work at the management firm fifteen blocks from the hospital, and heavy traffic prohibited them from going to see him.  “We were overjoyed that the doctors were able to work so quickly in constructing the post, since it proved to us that they really cared about our son,” remembers John.  Tracy was unavailable for comment, as she was instructing a yoga class.  “I take my jobs as a mother and as a yoga instructor very seriously,” Tracy later commented.

After thirty minutes, the post only had 500,000 likes.  “It was getting down to the wire,” one doctor said.  “He had been breathing at only 93% oxygen saturation for almost twenty minutes, and at 90% respiratory failure will set in.”  Aiming to help, Cedar Valley High School’s Future Doctors of America club arrived at the hospital with an array of baked goods.  ”We know that comfort foods really are comforting, and we wanted to do what we could to help Ethan,” the club president stated.

By noon, Ethan had reached critical conditions.  With the clock ticking and 250,000 likes needed to save Ethan, the doctors came up with a genius plan that proved their knowledge in the field of medicine.  They created a sign on a sheet of copy paper that said, “Please help me survive this asthma attack,” and gave it to Ethan to hold.  Snapping a picture, they added the shot to the post, and within three minutes of it going live, the page reached one million likes.

“Almost instantaneously Ethan began breathing normally,” recalled a nurse.  ”We all breathed a sigh of relief at the same time, because we knew he was going to be okay.  We were worried for a while, though, because it was taking so long to get the likes.  People just aren’t what they used to be, it seems.”

Ethan reunited with his parents after being released from the hospital, and his page has since gained another million likes.  Cedar Valley Hospital Staff are being awarded with an award for courage, quick-thinking, and commitment to medicine by the President of the United States, to be presented at the elementary school playground in two weeks.  Williams’s story inspires many, and the incredible competence of the doctors is impressive and has made Cedar Valley proud.

— 4 months ago
#me  #satire  #school project  #ya 

School spirit for the win!

— 7 months ago with 1 note
#homecoming week  #usa day  #me 
Friday night football games for schools I don’t even go to 👍👍👍

Friday night football games for schools I don’t even go to 👍👍👍

— 8 months ago with 1 note
#me 

Okay guys I need your help.  B and I want to do a couples’ costume for Halloween, and we want to go all out.  We want something super nerdy (duh) and something that means we can’t separate or nobody would get it.  Any ideas (reply or put in my ask box)?

— 8 months ago
#me  #B  #help  #halloween  #couples costume  #costume  #ideas  #wuestion  #reply  #couple  #nerdy 

I want to dress up as an electron one day by making a shirt that has a diagram of like the 3p orbital or something on the front and the words “i can tell you what it’s not” on the back

— 8 months ago with 1 note
#me 

Guys I just got my 2nd diagnostic SAT scores back and I got an 800 on reading!!!!!!! I’m flipping out jasbfkdhsgjlnsdvk;asc

— 9 months ago
#me 

Okay so yesterday was a pretty good day.  I went over to B’s after school and also R hung out with us for a bit.  And then i went t a football game and saw some people I haven’t seen in like 4 months and some other people I haven’t seen in like 3 years.  Which is really weird.  P was super awkward and rude but whatever that’s nbd but A and other A and V were awesome and it makes me sad that I never get to see them ):  How is it that we live literally 7 minutes from each other but haven’t spoken in months?  It’s just sad :/

— 9 months ago
#me 

Eating that cinnamon roll was the best decision I have made in four weeks.

— 9 months ago
#me